never nothing.

i had a very morbid dream last night, and im very curious as to what i could have been thinking about to have caused it...i think i know, but more on that later.

i dreamnt that i was shot and died in a school shooting, but them my ghost could appear and talk to people who had been extremely close to me when i was alive. thing was, i couldn't talk to multiple of these people at once, i'd only appear to one at a time as i chose. in my dream i could speak to my mom, not my dad. i also appeared to a handful of my closest girl friends, but my best friend was so upset she refused to believe i was really there. another person i could talk to was the ex, who told me had i lived, one day we'd be married. i've only seen him 3 times in the last 3 months, so why did my subconscious deam us "extremely close."

i think it all has to do with a conversation i had with him last night. once again he was talking about missing me and wanting to see me. he said i'm a big part of his life. that we could never be nothing. i asked him if one day he's want to see me get married (cause good friends go to each other's weddings) and he said "don't ask me that! i just want to see you. i can't predict anything further than that." he tried to come over and then turned around because his drunk friend needed a ride. i just think it's all or nothing with him. how do you honestly be friends with the guy you planned on marrying 2 weeks from tommorow.

i don't think either of us saw our lives like this. i don't think this is exactly what i wanted.


on another note...no date last night with the jock. i think he forgot because he never called...hmmm.