ohhhh myspace...

I get a lot of strange messages on myspace. i know most are just mass messages sent to random girls...for instance, the roomate and i caught a guy sending us the same message, cept he had changed one word ("i know it's ___ p.m....or something). anyways, below are a few of my favorites! :)

Note: i only keep my myspace open for anyone to look at because i think it's hilarious when weird guys send me messages. some days, i really need something dumb to laugh at.

Weirdo #1:
Hi i was looking for someone else randomly saw u had to tell u that u are gorgeous....let me know if im cool enuf to be on ur team, just moved back from far away, and makin friends all ova again, promise im not psycho weird or anything less than a guy that would love to make u smile if u ever want....ok i feel like a weirdo now but whateva u only live once right... Aloha Josh

Weirdo #2:
i dont like A&M girls...mostly cuz I went there haha, but you have the most freakishly cutest smile so how harmful can you be. Plus good interests and taste in music so... hello! how are you? Life good? pets healthy? how about this weather we're having? thats pretty standard intro right Guy

Weirdo #3:
nice body :), your profile says your a swinger, is that true?

Note on #3: somehow my thing was changed to swinger...for one day. must have been his lucky day!

is it thursday yet?

a bubble bath is running in my tub. my room is clean as ever. and i've actually worked out two days in a row. too much free time on my hands? actually, too little. worked all weekend and haven't been home before 7:30 since two fridays ago. i'm drained and refuse to let my body or room suffer. plus, the roomate and i head to the beach in exactly a month and i want to look hot.

i think i'm also trying to distract myself and distance myself from drama. life is nice and drama free right now and i intend to keep it that way as long as possible. also, the ex leaves for tampa for training as soon as i get back from my cousin's wedding. he'll be gone for two weeks! i'm trying not to be sad...but i am. i know it's probably a good thing to have a distance between us, but i'm impatient and want to know what happens with us.

meanwhile, the accountant is in san antonio for business. again. is it going to be another month before date #3?

guys are weird.

guys have been acting really weird lately. maybe now that the rain has finely let up there is something going on....who knows. below are my weird guy occurences of last week/the weekend.

1) the musician...who i dated last october...called me wednesday while i was at work. haven't talked to him since we broke up on halloween!!! too bad i didn't hear my phone ring- that would have been interesting!

2) just about every guy who hit on me and the roomate at sherlocks on wednesday night (after the accountants soccer game...swoooooon!) two guys had matching visors. another was a skater boarder who danced on a chair. the two guys we eventually sat with...one was very bald, the other did a backflip. i wrote my number on a napkin...bald guy called/texted me every five seconds all week. guess he shared my number, cause backflipper texted me today. ummm....do they not realize they are both calling me? i thought they were friends. needless to say, they are both on the do-not-answer list!!!

3) the introvert texted me friday night...that was out of nowhere! he must have been drunk.

4) the jock texted me saturday night...also out of nowhere!

throw in the many texts from the accountant, seeing a movie with the ex and a few missed calls from midnight snack and it was quite the weekend. too bad i worked ALL weekend. i talk to my boss more than i talk to guys i'm dating.

i leave for michigan early thursday morning for my cousins wedding and i couldn't be more excited...if only i can survive the dreaded boss for three more days!

going deeper

"What you see with your eyes is never as important as what exists out of view."

I think that quote says a lot about love, misjudging people and insecurities. I think i make decisions about my love life and how people feel about me based on what I'm seeing and not what they (or I sometimes) am actually feeling deep down inside. Understanding what is out of view is a lot harder than understanding what is right on front of you.

the choice is not mine

last night the ex and i hung out and watched a movie, just like old times. i was still a little upset and untrusting, constantly questioning his relations with this girl i've been presuming he likes. but, he kept saying it's me he likes and he wants to start things back with us the right way and slowly. i don't know what to make of anything because i don't know how he really feels and what he really wants...because he doesn't know either.

so, there is him and then there is the accountant. the clean slate. the opportunity. thing is, i am so tortured with guys that i don't believe he really likes me. how sad is that? i just figure he's another one that will come and go.

i've had some people say i need to choose...but, nothing serious is happening with either of these guys. i don't know how either of them really feel or what either of them really want. i'm not sure i know either. i know i want to be treated right and that i'm ready for a relationship again. i think it will take time for anything to materialize.

texts that come at the wrong time...

i thought i hit a turning point. complete distance from the ex was the plan. after a conversation with my mom, a near break down last thursday and the fantastic date with the accountant, i was ready to throw away the chance of getting back together and get back together with MYSELF. the old, happy me who had her shit together with guys and was worthy of someone great (say...like the accountant!). then, after pseudo-telling this to the ex yesterday morning, i get this text message late last night.

the ex: I really do love you carrie and i truly wanted to try again, really badly. but you don't seem to want me to at all. do you not want it now?

he said he's not dating anyone, although some photos i've seen lead me to believe otherwise. he said he'd be devastated if i stop talking to him. he said he loves me.

so, he's coming over tonight to hang out. i know i said t's over, but i don't know how to stick to that...

seafood and soccer

i'm usually not nervous around guys...i figure i'm on the same playing field as them, act confident and am my normal sarcastic self. but, with the accountant i become clammy, probably over chatty and self conscious. because i think i genuinely like this guy. he is smart, funny, mellow, really nice and handsome. very handsome. i feel like i've spent the last two days gushing about him to anyone who will listen.

our second date was great. ate amazing seafood and had great conversation once again. then he invited me to his place to watch the galaxy soccer game (he's a huge soccer fan/player and it was david beckham's first game with the team). i'm not a big sports on tv watcher, but with him it wasn't painfully boring. after that, he took me home and we talked outside for a while. he actually asked me for a copy of the magazine, so he can read my stuff. something the ex never did! that's one thing that is so different about the accountant than the ex, he actually shows an interest in what i do. maybe that isn't a novelty to most, but to me it has become one.

and finally, the night ended with a kiss (two actually). not a full fledged making out on the grass kinda kiss, but sweet. simple. and he asked me to come watch him play soccer...so, i take that as a good sign! hopefully our 3rd date will happen quicker than the 2nd....but, i think it was worth the wait! i think i've finally met someone (other than the ex) that i want to be with. but i think this guy is actually good for me too! :)

as for the elusive ex....we are supposed to hang out tomorow. he says he wants to ease back into something. hmmm. i'd rather hold out for this other guy.

from dateaholic to workaholic!

when you work 10 hour days, there isn't much time for dating. welcome to my world. in a frantic effort to keep my job and get the magazine out on time, i've been putting in extra hours and not spending much time dating or talking on the phone. a month ago i was pseudo-dating 5 guys, now i'm pseudo-dating my computer....and potentially "easing" back into something with the ex. potentially. he (finally!) got a real-world job, which he starts on monday. he said this is the beginning of a new life for him, and with that new life comes figuring stuff out with me. i only have one supporter in this and i don't know if it's actually going to materialize, so for now i'll just let my job completely consume me and wait and see. he talks a good game, but he always has. it's hard when you love someone to not want to try, even if it's a third try.

i'm going to dinner with the accountant this saturday. not sure it's a "date." i suggested we hang out again...he suggested we go out for dinner. date or not? you tell me.

and the story about the blast from the past...and an occurence at the river coming soon!!!

blast from the past

three years ago i was an entirely different person. for starters, i was 20 and had no idea what i wanted to do with my life. i was a journalism student and a writer for the school paper. i layed by the pool with my best friend (who got married last month) every friday. i had finally moved off campus and had a car, so my new found freedom was very much taken advantage of. i drank a lot and kissed a lot of boys. ok...so, maybe i haven't changed that much. but, life was different and so was i.

regardless, i was very good friends with a guy we'll call "blast from the past." he and i were inbetweens for each other...which means we hooked up between dating other people. we had long talks over sangria and had a great time together. we remained great friends for about a year, until we both fell in love. his lasted 2.5 years....mine, well, you know how that story is going.

sometime during his great love, he told her about us. she told him to never talk to me again. they got engaged in january and were supposed to get hitched this month. i, of course, was not invited.

she left him last month. moved out. no turning back and no chasing after. done. he IMed me a few weeks after she left. he's coming in town this weekend for a wedding and staying with me. i hadn't talked to him in over a year or hung out with him in more than two. i refuse to be his un-engagement rebound. this should make for an interesting weekend...

2.5 years

2.5 years. inside jokes. secret smiles. uncontrollable laughter. tiny kisses. love.
i don't think anyone understands what the ex and i had, have, possibly could have. noone wants me with him, except maybe a handfull of people. if he is really so incredibly wrong for me, then why is he still around? i'm not a dumb girl who just holds out for a guy because of a fantasy. i'm also not someone who is afraid to be alone....i think singularity and i actually get along quite well, for the most part. then why do i keep falling in love with the same guy....over, and over, and over again? it's not like he's doing or saying anything incredibly charming that is tugging at my heart. maybe it's that there is something about me that he gets, that maybe only my mom and my best friends get. maybe it's the way we laugh together.

i'm not afraid of being a cat lady and dying alone. i will get married, probably in the next 5 years...what scares me is if after 2.5 years of this love with the ex, that it won't be to him. what if i'm walking down the aisle towards somebody who doesn't want to sit in the bathtub for hours laughing? what if the ex and i just can't ever seem to be at the same points in our lives?

what if i'm completely wrong and will never have a normal relationship because this one guy will always be in my heart?

the calm after the storm...or before?

this is the longest i've gone without posting since i started writing...this is also the longest i've gone without making out since writing this thing. i'm pretty sure they go hand in hand. add in 3 water adventures in a week, which equals near heat stroke and exhaustion, and you've got my reason for not posting.

most of the guys from last month have flown the coop, or been kicked out of it. the stoner is obviously not in the picture, the accountant is a mere drunk dialer with no follow through- as is midnight snack. corpus guy, well, he lives in corpus (although we are planning another meet-in-the-middle rendezvous soon.) the jock must have gotten the hint that i wasn't attracted. and the ex, well, that's yet to be determined. july has been a bit more tame. is it the calm after the storm....or the calm before?

an interesting thing did happen last monday. the roommate and i were at our signature bar, on our signature night, listening to the band that plays every monday. of course, we see the introvert- a cover band lead singer/engineer who i had a brief fling with immediately following the ex, just to find out how incredibly socially awkward and introverted he is.

we talked to him briefly, then in my semi-drunkenness i invited him over. thinking he would't actually come, i fell asleep, just to be woken by him. he spent the night and i laughed to myself the entire time since i know i'll probably not hear from him since he'd most likely retreat back into hiding from social situations. as predicted, it's a week later and nothing. not that i want something, but it'd be funny to play that social/antisocial game again. if for nothing else, entertainments sake.

tonight's entertainment will be the ex coming over...

on another note...

yes, i know. the stoner should be gone, kaplut, aurevoir! but, he popped up....again.

we had kind of talked about maybe hanging out. maybe. so, he calls me yesterday. acts like his normal, friendly self, until....he says "i wanted to start hanging out with you again, but then i heard more bad things about you."
MORE RUMORS? is that even possible? this time, i responded with sarcasm.

the stoner: one of your friends said you were sleeping with like 3 guys while we were seeing each other.
me: three? wow. i wish i was so popular. well, did my friend at least say that these fake-sex partners of mine were hot? cause if there are going to be lies about me, i want them to be good ones!

i don't think the stoner was amused. neither am i really. at one point, people need to stop twisting things/ talking about people/ adding more crap to the toilet. i may have moved on from this, but i will never move on from the fact that people can be so awful. mind your own business...are some people's lives so pathetic that they persistently talk about me and make up fake stories? i feel bad for these people.

ex-capades

there are some people and situations you just cannot avoid. although i have been a master at avoiding the ex these past months, when i see him, certain things are completely inevitable. because of this, i lost two bets on friday night. note to carrie: do not agree to the same bet to two people. ecspecially if you intend on losing it.

rewind....
the players: the roomie, her boy toy, the dancing king, the ex, the ex's best friend and the best guy friend. oh, and me.
the scene: our apartment/ zen
the situation: the roomie and i somehow create a cock fest at our apartment. 2:5 ratio, not bad! you would think they would all have an awful time, but throw in two guys who like to dance, two girls who love to dance and a couple pitchers of beers and nothing else matters. then the betting began. then the inevitable flirting began. then the ex's best friend takes me outside and explains that the ex and i are meant to be. we will get married. yada yada yada. then i lose the bet. times a hundred. maybe the ex and i are just more comfortable around each other when naked. or are we meant to be???