PART 1: YOU
Were you a planned baby?: yep
Were you the first?: nope and i'm very much the youngest child
PART 2: YOUR PERSONALITY
Do you have low self esteem?: nope
Do you get depressed about things easily?: sometimes i get really sad about stuff
Are you happy right now?: kinda. i'm hating work right now but i'm otherwise pretty good.
PART 3: APPEARANCE
Are you comfortable with the way you look?: yup
Describe your hair: dark dark brown...maybe too dark
PART 4: RANDOM
Ever been kicked out of a bar?: yes, coyote ugly in austin! oops.
Ever been arrested?: could have, but i was only 16
PART 5: THE OUTDOORS
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?: out, cept for when it's really really cold or hot
Do you like walking in the rain?: no, i hate when my pants and shoes get wet. gross!
Do you like thunderstorms?: yes, unless i am driving
PART 6: FOOD
Are you a vegetarian?: tried once, but now no
Anything you absolutely could eat forever?: cookie dough ice cream
What is your favorite dessert?: see answer above
PART 7: RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE
Do you want to get married?: yes yes!
Have you ever been in love?: yep =)
Are you in a relationship?: yep =)
PART 8: RANDOM QUESTIONS
Where is your cell phone? on my desk
Your dream last night?: don't remember
Your favorite drink?: HI-C orange
Your fears?: someone close to be dying or being paralyzed
Who did you hang out with last night? H
Do you like anyone?: yes...
Who is it?: my boyfriend!
One of your wish list items?: a puppy...but first i need a house and a husband.
Where did you grow up?: Lafayette, LA
What are you wearing?: black pants, green shirt
Tattoos?: none for me!
Ketchup: all out.
Your computer?: nice i guess
Your life?: blessed :-)
Your friends?: are great, but i really miss the far away ones
What are you thinking about right now?: how i should be working
Your work?: sometimes fun, sometimes not so much
Your summer?: cannot wait!!!!
Your favorite color(s)?: red, yellow, turquoise
When is the last time you laughed?: this morning
Last time you cried?: last night =(
Last IM?: on gmail right now
Who knows the most about you? ash m
Have you ever seen a dead body?yes, at a wake
What should we do with stupid people? educate them
What is making you sad right now? being at work
What was the first thing you did this morning? kissed H =)
Last person you went out to lunch with? H
Are you spoiled? kinda
Do you drink lots of water? yep
How do you vent your anger? crying....i'm good at crying
The last compliment you received?: "you are so gorgeous, even with puffy eyes"
What did you do last weekend:? hung out with alison, shopped, ft. worth rodeo with the crew, mountain biked
When was the last time you threw up? randomly a few weeks ago
What theme does your room have? it's pretty eclectic...brown and turquoise
Are you a mama's child or a daddy's child? mama's for sure!
Would you ever join the military? no, never
The last website you visited? facebook
Who was the last person you took a picture with? H
Who was the last person you watched a movie with:? katie...27 dresses =)
What did you do/will you do for your birthday this year? who knows, it's not for 11 months
Number of layers on your bed? 1
Is anything alive in your room? kirbi and keelee
Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week? forward
What are you looking forward to right now? AHH tonight and california with H for easter- YAY =)
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
a love/hate relationship
i love and hate how certain scents bring up certain memories or just thoughts of a person. like, my VO5 hair shiner will probably always make me think of meeting H because it's slight peppermint scent smells just like his apartment.
a non-welcomed scent occurred this morning as i was trying to find a perfume to wear. i noticed a little bit left in a victoria's secret sample and quickly dabbed it on. suddenly, my nose filled up with memories of the ex (i must have worn that a lot on our second go around). i walked out of the bathroom trying to rub the scent off when i was struck by another ex reminder...joshua radin was playing on my pandora radio. not just any josh radin song, but one that the ex put on the last mix cd he gave me.
i don't miss the ex. not one drop. he's never on my mind, so it's odd when memories of him come flooding back via scents and sounds. the first thought today was- would i trade what i have now in for what i had, with him, a year ago? honestly, the only thing i do miss about him is our common interest in bands and tv shows. it was fun to have someone love exactly the same songs as me and to watch my teenage soaps with...but, otherwise, that's it. i don't miss the way i always questioned his love for me. i don't miss feeling like i came in second to his bars. i don't miss the way he'd make me feel like shit. i don't miss the love we had. if i never see him again, i wouldn't be that dissapointed. i do hope he's doing well and i still care about him. but, all my love is with H. smelling and hearing the past only made me that much more greatful for the present.
a non-welcomed scent occurred this morning as i was trying to find a perfume to wear. i noticed a little bit left in a victoria's secret sample and quickly dabbed it on. suddenly, my nose filled up with memories of the ex (i must have worn that a lot on our second go around). i walked out of the bathroom trying to rub the scent off when i was struck by another ex reminder...joshua radin was playing on my pandora radio. not just any josh radin song, but one that the ex put on the last mix cd he gave me.
i don't miss the ex. not one drop. he's never on my mind, so it's odd when memories of him come flooding back via scents and sounds. the first thought today was- would i trade what i have now in for what i had, with him, a year ago? honestly, the only thing i do miss about him is our common interest in bands and tv shows. it was fun to have someone love exactly the same songs as me and to watch my teenage soaps with...but, otherwise, that's it. i don't miss the way i always questioned his love for me. i don't miss feeling like i came in second to his bars. i don't miss the way he'd make me feel like shit. i don't miss the love we had. if i never see him again, i wouldn't be that dissapointed. i do hope he's doing well and i still care about him. but, all my love is with H. smelling and hearing the past only made me that much more greatful for the present.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
work is taking over.
work is taking over my life for the next month, which definitely makes the fact that H works crazy hours very bearable, knowing he is staring at his computer too. on to of dealing with work and the spring issue i'm trying to start studying for my teaching tests and making a game plan for getting a teaching job. and with the columns starting...ahhhh...so much going on. so, if you are reading this and you notice that you never see me, this is why. it's not that i am constantly with H, but that my head is shoved in a computer or book.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
lucky.
i am a lucky girl. i wake up 4 mornings a week next to someone whose first action is to kiss the back of my neck and whisper "i love you." he's the first person i talk to each morning (whether we are together or not) and the last person I talk to before I go to bed. when i send him e-mails at work saying i'm upset, he calls me immediately to make sure i'm ok and talk me through everything. if he goes more than a few hours without hearing from me, he calls to make sure i'm ok. last night i asked him what if we are wrong about everything and he suddenly falls out of love or something happens with us. his response- "i'm not worried about us for at least 60 years. then we just have to concentrate on staying alive."
how can i not crave the day when i can buy all the bridal magazines at barnes & noble when i'm as lucky as i am now?
how can i not crave the day when i can buy all the bridal magazines at barnes & noble when i'm as lucky as i am now?
Monday, January 7, 2008
dating in 2008
here is a sneak peak at my first Sex and the Station column for the year. i have now written this column for 3 whole years!!! the one below will come out on January 17. enjoy! =)
How to Get a Date in 2008
It’s safe to say that many people’s New Year’s resolutions have something to do with romance. Whether it’s reclaiming the flame with a longtime love, making things work with your new love or just finding love in general, there’s a lot to be said for love in the New Year. It’s a great time to not only resolve to be a better partner, but if you are single, it’s a great time to resolve to find the right kind of people to date and take a chance at finding something worth keeping. Was your dating life not so ideal in 2007 (or 2006, 2005, 2004…well, you get the idea)? Then, this is the year to make the big change. Step outside your comfort zone, approach dating in a different light and open yourself to the possibility that love will find you when you let it fit into your life. Here are some fresh ways to approach dating this year!
1) Get over your past
The first road block to a new dating life this year is the baggage you’re caring. If you are not over your ex, you are not open to new love. So, how do you move on from this seemingly impossible road block? You look at your situation as one of opportunity. The heartbreak that comes with a breakup is in part due to the fear that you will never find anything better and will therefore lead a lonely, miserable life. This is not the case! There is someone out there for you that would never think of breaking your heart, the key is to know that and seek it! Move on from last year and into this year.
2) Be optimistic
Was last year a horrible year for your dating life? Did you get dumped, go months without a single kiss and even ring in this New Year on the couch with DVDs of The Office as your date? That doesn’t mean that you should mope around thinking this year is bound to be the same. So 2007 you found yourself in a dating rut? It’s not 2007 any longer! Being down on yourself is the second hardest road block to overcome to getting on the road to meeting your ideal partner. By looking ahead and not at the hardships and loneliness behind you, you’ll be able to make all the resolutions below work to your best advantage.
3) Leave the comforts of your dating circle
We have all created dating circles for ourselves, whether that just means ruling out certain parts of the demographic from our dating field or just sticking to a certain type. Creating such a circle is not a good way to meet new people and will likely have you dating in cycles. What hasn’t worked in the past won’t miraculously work now! I’m not saying to not have standards, but to create wider boundaries. Don’t rule out dating jocks because you hate sports or be apprehensive to meet someone at church because you were at Northgate the night before. The guy a year younger than you might be more mature that your ex boyfriend that was five years your senior- you’ll never know until you try!
4) Approach and you will be approachable
The worst thing that can happen when you approach someone you are interested in is that they won’t express the same interest back. Ok, that might suck, but you won’t know for certain that it will be the outcome until you’ve tried. Even if your efforts aren’t rewarded or appreciated, by appearing so outgoing and friendly you are most likely to be approached by those that are interested in you. My boyfriend told me that if I hadn’t approached him at the party we met at, that he would have been too shy to make the first contact because he doesn’t think he has any “game.” A little confidence can go a long way….which brings us to number four.
5) Confidence is key
When I’ve approached guys in the past have I always been swelling with confidence? Not in the least! It is all about appearing to be confident. The most confident thing you can do is smile. This shows the person that you are approaching that you are friendly and easy going. A genuine smile will put the person at ease while creating an open interaction. After the initial smile, do not hesitate in your approach, as this tells him or her that you are not genuinely feeling confident- an immediate turn-off. Once there, positive body language is very important. If you approach hunched over with your head down, you are sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you begin. Stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out, and use a firm yet relaxed walk. Even if you are scared to death, you will seem completely comfortable and confident!
6) You are what you date
You know the famous saying, “you are what you eat?” The same goes for dating. Are you trying to lose weight this year? Then date someone who has the same motivation to work out as you want. Do you really hate the bar scene? Then stop meeting guys at bars! Who you date and who you look at as a potential date is a reflection of you and what you deem important, so this year, above all else, resolve to date people who are appropriate for you and where you are going with your life. Don’t date rude, disloyal or angry people just because you are lonely. This will just make you miserable. Date someone who emulates how you want to be and they will bring out the best in you!
How to Get a Date in 2008
It’s safe to say that many people’s New Year’s resolutions have something to do with romance. Whether it’s reclaiming the flame with a longtime love, making things work with your new love or just finding love in general, there’s a lot to be said for love in the New Year. It’s a great time to not only resolve to be a better partner, but if you are single, it’s a great time to resolve to find the right kind of people to date and take a chance at finding something worth keeping. Was your dating life not so ideal in 2007 (or 2006, 2005, 2004…well, you get the idea)? Then, this is the year to make the big change. Step outside your comfort zone, approach dating in a different light and open yourself to the possibility that love will find you when you let it fit into your life. Here are some fresh ways to approach dating this year!
1) Get over your past
The first road block to a new dating life this year is the baggage you’re caring. If you are not over your ex, you are not open to new love. So, how do you move on from this seemingly impossible road block? You look at your situation as one of opportunity. The heartbreak that comes with a breakup is in part due to the fear that you will never find anything better and will therefore lead a lonely, miserable life. This is not the case! There is someone out there for you that would never think of breaking your heart, the key is to know that and seek it! Move on from last year and into this year.
2) Be optimistic
Was last year a horrible year for your dating life? Did you get dumped, go months without a single kiss and even ring in this New Year on the couch with DVDs of The Office as your date? That doesn’t mean that you should mope around thinking this year is bound to be the same. So 2007 you found yourself in a dating rut? It’s not 2007 any longer! Being down on yourself is the second hardest road block to overcome to getting on the road to meeting your ideal partner. By looking ahead and not at the hardships and loneliness behind you, you’ll be able to make all the resolutions below work to your best advantage.
3) Leave the comforts of your dating circle
We have all created dating circles for ourselves, whether that just means ruling out certain parts of the demographic from our dating field or just sticking to a certain type. Creating such a circle is not a good way to meet new people and will likely have you dating in cycles. What hasn’t worked in the past won’t miraculously work now! I’m not saying to not have standards, but to create wider boundaries. Don’t rule out dating jocks because you hate sports or be apprehensive to meet someone at church because you were at Northgate the night before. The guy a year younger than you might be more mature that your ex boyfriend that was five years your senior- you’ll never know until you try!
4) Approach and you will be approachable
The worst thing that can happen when you approach someone you are interested in is that they won’t express the same interest back. Ok, that might suck, but you won’t know for certain that it will be the outcome until you’ve tried. Even if your efforts aren’t rewarded or appreciated, by appearing so outgoing and friendly you are most likely to be approached by those that are interested in you. My boyfriend told me that if I hadn’t approached him at the party we met at, that he would have been too shy to make the first contact because he doesn’t think he has any “game.” A little confidence can go a long way….which brings us to number four.
5) Confidence is key
When I’ve approached guys in the past have I always been swelling with confidence? Not in the least! It is all about appearing to be confident. The most confident thing you can do is smile. This shows the person that you are approaching that you are friendly and easy going. A genuine smile will put the person at ease while creating an open interaction. After the initial smile, do not hesitate in your approach, as this tells him or her that you are not genuinely feeling confident- an immediate turn-off. Once there, positive body language is very important. If you approach hunched over with your head down, you are sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you begin. Stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out, and use a firm yet relaxed walk. Even if you are scared to death, you will seem completely comfortable and confident!
6) You are what you date
You know the famous saying, “you are what you eat?” The same goes for dating. Are you trying to lose weight this year? Then date someone who has the same motivation to work out as you want. Do you really hate the bar scene? Then stop meeting guys at bars! Who you date and who you look at as a potential date is a reflection of you and what you deem important, so this year, above all else, resolve to date people who are appropriate for you and where you are going with your life. Don’t date rude, disloyal or angry people just because you are lonely. This will just make you miserable. Date someone who emulates how you want to be and they will bring out the best in you!
Friday, January 4, 2008
clean up and airing dirty laundry.
today i was wondering why i even write on this thing anymore. i don't have exciting dating adventures to share. i don't have many long distance friends catching up on my life. shit, my life isn't really that interesting right now and i'm sure it would be vomit inducing if i just went on and on about how great H is and what sweet thing he said to me today. yeah, you would all puke in your mouths!
so...let's move on to something else. a little clean up, if you will =)
am i writing about you? probably not. i generalize a lot about situations. if something bothers me, like people criticizing the speed of H and i's relationship, i'll mention it after it has built up from lots of people. i don't often get mad at people, but at topics. that topic? well, i'm tired of it. i finally even told H about the flack i'm getting, hoping he was getting the same flack and we could figure it out together. his response? he wondered why it even gets to me. good point.
another H related thing bothering me? when people are surprised that i have a boyfriend or find it odd or think that it is out of charachter and that now i am probably completely different. um...i recently had an on again off again boyfriend called "the ex" who was in my life for nearly 3 years! and we were pretty darn serious. am i your classic bachelorette? not in the least. i've been writing a sex/relationship column for 3 years because, well, who wouldn't want that job and it's an extra chunk of change in this shopaholics wallet! yes, between boyfriends- like when i started this thing over the summer- i dated around. a lot. was i a player? maybe. but, through all that did i secretly wish things had worked out differently with the ex or craved meeting an H? absolutely. my wild streaks are rebounds and lame attempts at filling some void i let control me. i'll admit it!
so, that is that. oh....and can i rant about one more thing? recently a good friend of mine told my parents (in front of me) about portions of my partying and dating/sex life that was not for their ears to hear. how would you respond to that? i have chosen to ignore said person until i can figure out a mature, yet standing my ground way to approach the situation.
so...let's move on to something else. a little clean up, if you will =)
am i writing about you? probably not. i generalize a lot about situations. if something bothers me, like people criticizing the speed of H and i's relationship, i'll mention it after it has built up from lots of people. i don't often get mad at people, but at topics. that topic? well, i'm tired of it. i finally even told H about the flack i'm getting, hoping he was getting the same flack and we could figure it out together. his response? he wondered why it even gets to me. good point.
another H related thing bothering me? when people are surprised that i have a boyfriend or find it odd or think that it is out of charachter and that now i am probably completely different. um...i recently had an on again off again boyfriend called "the ex" who was in my life for nearly 3 years! and we were pretty darn serious. am i your classic bachelorette? not in the least. i've been writing a sex/relationship column for 3 years because, well, who wouldn't want that job and it's an extra chunk of change in this shopaholics wallet! yes, between boyfriends- like when i started this thing over the summer- i dated around. a lot. was i a player? maybe. but, through all that did i secretly wish things had worked out differently with the ex or craved meeting an H? absolutely. my wild streaks are rebounds and lame attempts at filling some void i let control me. i'll admit it!
so, that is that. oh....and can i rant about one more thing? recently a good friend of mine told my parents (in front of me) about portions of my partying and dating/sex life that was not for their ears to hear. how would you respond to that? i have chosen to ignore said person until i can figure out a mature, yet standing my ground way to approach the situation.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
how to fight lonliness...smile all the time...
yesterday evening as i was getting ready for bed, I was suddenly hit with a wave of lonliness. maybe it was because it was the first day in a long time where i went without much human contact. maybe i was overwhelmed by all the change. whatever it was, it sucked. granted, in the span of an hour, my feelings were hurt twice, so that could have been part of the cause. sometimes i feel overly judged about my relationship and wonder why others care so much. i know it's not them looking out for me, or they would proceed their judgement by saying that, and that would be ok. but, they never do that. i also feel lately like i try too hard to hang out with certain people. after a point, i just am tired of being turned down. if i ask someone to hang out or have lunch so many times and they say no a lot or never ask me if i want to do anything, there comes a point where i'll just stop trying. that point is now with a lot of people. =( so, all these negative thoughts were swimming in my head last night. luckily, today in my inbox was this...and it kind of helped. a little.
"Don't worry about your "negative" thoughts. They're par for the course in the jungles of time and space. Change them when you can, but when they overrun you, let them run. Because no matter how persistent they are, you can always spend just 5 minutes a day, in a quiet place, doing your best to imagine your dreams as if they've already come true; seeing yourself happy, laughing, smiling from ear to ear. This will be enough, it's always enough, even if while you're imagining, the negative thoughts creep in. After 5 minutes, leave it alone.
You're in time and space for one reason: to thrive. There's no 50/50 about it."
so, today i resolve to not let the negative thoughts and feelings take over. maybe my new years resolution should be to let go of the people who hurt me...
"Don't worry about your "negative" thoughts. They're par for the course in the jungles of time and space. Change them when you can, but when they overrun you, let them run. Because no matter how persistent they are, you can always spend just 5 minutes a day, in a quiet place, doing your best to imagine your dreams as if they've already come true; seeing yourself happy, laughing, smiling from ear to ear. This will be enough, it's always enough, even if while you're imagining, the negative thoughts creep in. After 5 minutes, leave it alone.
You're in time and space for one reason: to thrive. There's no 50/50 about it."
so, today i resolve to not let the negative thoughts and feelings take over. maybe my new years resolution should be to let go of the people who hurt me...
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
a new year
happy 2008!
after a week and a half off work, it's back to the real world. i just paid for my teaching certification classes and couldn't be more excited or scared! i have the job of my dreams now, but know this is something better for me and my future and overall happiness and today I officially began the process of getting there! it's so weird to think come august i could be a journalism or english teacher. guess there is no better way to start the new year than by pursuing something new! as scary of a step as this is, it may be the most unselfish choice i've made in a while. i'll be helping others rather than my wealthy boss, attending after school events for kids rather than bar openings and spending my summers traveling, doing activism and seeing my family. i can't wait!
everything with H continues to be overwhelmingly good and in the eyes of many, fast paced. after only two months we have met each other's parents, talked about getting married and he gave me a gorgeous diamond ring for christmas (a "placeholder" i guess you could call it). is this all happening suddenly and quickly? yes. are we rushing into things? not really. when you find the one and you are pretty certain of it, why not go where it takes you? this year i am preparing myself for life changes...marriage, kids, a mortgage, etc. i see all of that stuff happening in the next 5 years, so i better start getting ready. have i completely changed in some regards since october 26? yes. and i have never been happier =)
after a week and a half off work, it's back to the real world. i just paid for my teaching certification classes and couldn't be more excited or scared! i have the job of my dreams now, but know this is something better for me and my future and overall happiness and today I officially began the process of getting there! it's so weird to think come august i could be a journalism or english teacher. guess there is no better way to start the new year than by pursuing something new! as scary of a step as this is, it may be the most unselfish choice i've made in a while. i'll be helping others rather than my wealthy boss, attending after school events for kids rather than bar openings and spending my summers traveling, doing activism and seeing my family. i can't wait!
everything with H continues to be overwhelmingly good and in the eyes of many, fast paced. after only two months we have met each other's parents, talked about getting married and he gave me a gorgeous diamond ring for christmas (a "placeholder" i guess you could call it). is this all happening suddenly and quickly? yes. are we rushing into things? not really. when you find the one and you are pretty certain of it, why not go where it takes you? this year i am preparing myself for life changes...marriage, kids, a mortgage, etc. i see all of that stuff happening in the next 5 years, so i better start getting ready. have i completely changed in some regards since october 26? yes. and i have never been happier =)
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