dating in 2008

here is a sneak peak at my first Sex and the Station column for the year. i have now written this column for 3 whole years!!! the one below will come out on January 17. enjoy! =)

How to Get a Date in 2008

It’s safe to say that many people’s New Year’s resolutions have something to do with romance. Whether it’s reclaiming the flame with a longtime love, making things work with your new love or just finding love in general, there’s a lot to be said for love in the New Year. It’s a great time to not only resolve to be a better partner, but if you are single, it’s a great time to resolve to find the right kind of people to date and take a chance at finding something worth keeping. Was your dating life not so ideal in 2007 (or 2006, 2005, 2004…well, you get the idea)? Then, this is the year to make the big change. Step outside your comfort zone, approach dating in a different light and open yourself to the possibility that love will find you when you let it fit into your life. Here are some fresh ways to approach dating this year!

1) Get over your past
The first road block to a new dating life this year is the baggage you’re caring. If you are not over your ex, you are not open to new love. So, how do you move on from this seemingly impossible road block? You look at your situation as one of opportunity. The heartbreak that comes with a breakup is in part due to the fear that you will never find anything better and will therefore lead a lonely, miserable life. This is not the case! There is someone out there for you that would never think of breaking your heart, the key is to know that and seek it! Move on from last year and into this year.

2) Be optimistic
Was last year a horrible year for your dating life? Did you get dumped, go months without a single kiss and even ring in this New Year on the couch with DVDs of The Office as your date? That doesn’t mean that you should mope around thinking this year is bound to be the same. So 2007 you found yourself in a dating rut? It’s not 2007 any longer! Being down on yourself is the second hardest road block to overcome to getting on the road to meeting your ideal partner. By looking ahead and not at the hardships and loneliness behind you, you’ll be able to make all the resolutions below work to your best advantage.

3) Leave the comforts of your dating circle
We have all created dating circles for ourselves, whether that just means ruling out certain parts of the demographic from our dating field or just sticking to a certain type. Creating such a circle is not a good way to meet new people and will likely have you dating in cycles. What hasn’t worked in the past won’t miraculously work now! I’m not saying to not have standards, but to create wider boundaries. Don’t rule out dating jocks because you hate sports or be apprehensive to meet someone at church because you were at Northgate the night before. The guy a year younger than you might be more mature that your ex boyfriend that was five years your senior- you’ll never know until you try!

4) Approach and you will be approachable
The worst thing that can happen when you approach someone you are interested in is that they won’t express the same interest back. Ok, that might suck, but you won’t know for certain that it will be the outcome until you’ve tried. Even if your efforts aren’t rewarded or appreciated, by appearing so outgoing and friendly you are most likely to be approached by those that are interested in you. My boyfriend told me that if I hadn’t approached him at the party we met at, that he would have been too shy to make the first contact because he doesn’t think he has any “game.” A little confidence can go a long way….which brings us to number four.

5) Confidence is key
When I’ve approached guys in the past have I always been swelling with confidence? Not in the least! It is all about appearing to be confident. The most confident thing you can do is smile. This shows the person that you are approaching that you are friendly and easy going. A genuine smile will put the person at ease while creating an open interaction. After the initial smile, do not hesitate in your approach, as this tells him or her that you are not genuinely feeling confident- an immediate turn-off. Once there, positive body language is very important. If you approach hunched over with your head down, you are sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you begin. Stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out, and use a firm yet relaxed walk. Even if you are scared to death, you will seem completely comfortable and confident!

6) You are what you date
You know the famous saying, “you are what you eat?” The same goes for dating. Are you trying to lose weight this year? Then date someone who has the same motivation to work out as you want. Do you really hate the bar scene? Then stop meeting guys at bars! Who you date and who you look at as a potential date is a reflection of you and what you deem important, so this year, above all else, resolve to date people who are appropriate for you and where you are going with your life. Don’t date rude, disloyal or angry people just because you are lonely. This will just make you miserable. Date someone who emulates how you want to be and they will bring out the best in you!