yesterday evening as i was getting ready for bed, I was suddenly hit with a wave of lonliness. maybe it was because it was the first day in a long time where i went without much human contact. maybe i was overwhelmed by all the change. whatever it was, it sucked. granted, in the span of an hour, my feelings were hurt twice, so that could have been part of the cause. sometimes i feel overly judged about my relationship and wonder why others care so much. i know it's not them looking out for me, or they would proceed their judgement by saying that, and that would be ok. but, they never do that. i also feel lately like i try too hard to hang out with certain people. after a point, i just am tired of being turned down. if i ask someone to hang out or have lunch so many times and they say no a lot or never ask me if i want to do anything, there comes a point where i'll just stop trying. that point is now with a lot of people. =( so, all these negative thoughts were swimming in my head last night. luckily, today in my inbox was this...and it kind of helped. a little.
"Don't worry about your "negative" thoughts. They're par for the course in the jungles of time and space. Change them when you can, but when they overrun you, let them run. Because no matter how persistent they are, you can always spend just 5 minutes a day, in a quiet place, doing your best to imagine your dreams as if they've already come true; seeing yourself happy, laughing, smiling from ear to ear. This will be enough, it's always enough, even if while you're imagining, the negative thoughts creep in. After 5 minutes, leave it alone.
You're in time and space for one reason: to thrive. There's no 50/50 about it."
so, today i resolve to not let the negative thoughts and feelings take over. maybe my new years resolution should be to let go of the people who hurt me...
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