balance.

balancing a boyfriend and a before-there-was-boy life can be hard. i think anyone would agree. i like to think i'm doing a good job at it, still going on "dates" with my girlfriends, bringing my roomate to openings rather than him and making it to happy hour and girl's nights when i don't have work conflicts. through it all, i feel like i'm missing out on a lot of stuff with my friends and although they don't say it, i'm getting silent grief for it. december has just been so crazy with restaurant openings, christmas parties for work and fun, birthdays, work dinners and everything, i feel like i can barely breathe and that i'm losing touch. maybe it's just me being stressed about the holidays and paranoid. when i get back from break, i start teaching classes and things start getting crazy with the spring issue of the magazine. should i stay at the mag? or be a teacher? am i too serious with H too soon? or is this amazing relationship exactly as it should be? am i where i'm supposed to be? through the dizziness that has become this month, these questions are making my head swell.

anywho....i had a great weekend, mainly spent with H (which i guess doesn't show good social balance- oops- but i didn't see him but once last week). double-dating, going to a restaurant's soft-reopening, attending a charity event (in which i got drunk and was later carried to bed), cooking, watching movies, laying in bed almost all day sunday and watching hours of the discivery channel. and tonight we have my work christmas dinner! hope H isn't tired of me =)

hoorah- neiman marcus just sent me a very cool christmas present, their pop up book!!! do i really want to give up my job perks to be a teacher? hmmm. i think so.

platonic friends

i have two very close guy friends that have stepped up as the brothers in my life since my actual brother has done a very poor job. one has been in my life for 5.5 years, the other for 4, so they have been around for a lot. i'm not a girl who has lots of guy friends. just a handful really...but these two are my rocks. so loyal that it makes the guys i date wonder. they do a good job of befriending boyfriends in order to make them feel comfortable. H seems very wary of the situation though, which i can understand since i don't know how i'd feel if the tables were turned, but it's hard to explain to him still. yes, i dated one of these guys for a few months when i was 18. we haven't kissed in 5 years though, or even come close. i keep assuring H of this. that there are no feelings....but he doesn't get how a guy could sleep on my couch and not be tempted to come upstairs. haha. hopefully in time he'll learn to love these guys too and understand that sometimes things are completely platonic.

2007 awards!

i got these off my friend's myspace...may be a little early for a 2007 recap, but i'm bored at work, so here goes nothing...

1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR?
would have to go with the roommate...ecspecially on our monday nights!

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend)?
ashley m =)

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEWEST FRIEND?
the whole AHH/dtownwinnas group

4) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
can't choose just one- changing jobs, moving to addison, summer, friends visiting from out of town, halloween weekend =)

5) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
march

6) BEST HOLIDAYS?
4th of july at the lake and labor day in michigan

7) YOUR SONG FOR 2007?
hmmmm...i dunno, ay bay bay!

8) MOVIE FOR 2007?
across the universe & knocked up

9) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
ash h at magic time machine, then the ex (but we didn't do anything!)

10) BEST RELATIONSHIPS?
the ashleys, the AHH crew, mandi & tori, as of recently H AND my mommy!!!

11) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
a bee

12) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?
cafe miso and houlihans

13) KISS OF THE YEAR?
H =) ...on my birthday at midnight

14) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
breaking up with the ex

15) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
become a teacher!

16) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
smoking. ew. and letting everyone leave me at a bar and then riding home with people i don't know!

17) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
gossip girl. xoxoxox =)

18) MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
my mom!

19) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
becoming so close with my big group of friends and thus falling in love with dallas finally!

20) BIGGEST douchbag AWARD?
most guys mentioned in this blog...like, the ex!

21) NEW YEAR RESOLUTION?
be patient and more understanding

christmas cards

meowy christmas from kirbi and keelee!!!

last night ashley and i wrestled with my cats for a long time to take their annual christmas card picture. yes, i take a picture of my cats in front of the tree, insert it in a card and send it to all my relatives so they are assured that i am a crazy cat lady. after lots of running away, fighting with bells and about 10 shots, above it what i got (i am getting a new camera from santa, thank goodness!). after the "photo shoot" i talked to H on the phone, telling him how at least as my cats get older they'll be better at posing for their picture. he said "well, next year we'll just send out a card with our picture." next year i'll be sending joint christmas cards with H? what?! isn't that something people do when they are married?

24

i think i possibly had the best birthday ever! a midnight bubble bath, a morning at the spa from H, sushi lunch, shopping with the roomie, a surprise visit from an amazing friend, dinner with my favorite dallas people and dancing and drinking till 2 am with some of my best friends. it was perfect. i think i am at a point in life where i am unbelievably lucky...i am extremely close to my parents, grandparents and cousins, have amazing friends both near and far and have met an incredible guy. my job is cool, but i have an opportunity to have a different career and all the means to make it happen. i live with one of my best friends. my best friend in the world has been with me through everything for almost a decade! my boyfriend is uncomparable. and all kinds of things that used to bother and upset me don't really seem to matter anymore. life is good. in my 24th year i plan on complaining less and being grateful more. there's too much to be grateful for to not be that way =)

unwanted emotions...

the whole being an emotional girl thing can get VERY annoying at times. i find myself getting on my own nerves all of the time and asking myself why i am crying. like, last night. for no reason i started crying while talking on AIM to my best friend...i suddenly was set on changing my career (still am, but more on that in a later post), missed college and randomly started looking at pictures of the ex. i was a mess and had brought about my own tears. i have been thinking about college a lot lately and how different everything is. i thought i had moved past missing it and had come to the point where i just miss a few people, but last night i was missing the whole experience. and, the ex comes with that experience, so it made sense to think about him too. then we started texting and then, of course, i started questioning how everything went wrong with him and us.

just when i thought i was gonna burst, H called. all my tears sucked themselves back into my tear-ducts and i was suddenly fine. it was amazing. =) and when he came over to watch a movie, i didn't think about my sad thoughts again, until once i was about to drift to sleep i whispered in his ear "please don't leave me." he grabbed by face, looked me in the eyes and said "i never plan to."

i wish i could let go of all the insecurities i harbor and realize how good i have it. that the ex breaking me in the course of my life, won't really matter. why do we let our emotions run away with us and let things that don't matter control us?

my wish list.

happy birthday to me in just 5 days! i LOVE my birthday, as silly and vain as that may be, i really love it. i usually spend the day before in fear that it will suck, pout a bit (ok, a lot, but only to myself) when i don't get a cake and overall i have the whole "it's my party i can cry if i want to" attitude.

so, yep, birthdays are a big deal. the ex knew this and made sure to at least pretend mine was as a big deal to him as it was to me. he always took me to a movie, dinner or shopping, went to my party and was just overall very cooperative with the whole childish fantasy i have about how a birthday should be. maybe i am selfish about my birthday, but it's MY birthday and to me that is justified. i fully support others making huge deals out of their birthdays too.

so, here is my non-tangible item birthday list for this year:

- patience. i could really use some, so if someone could wrap some of theirs up and deliver it my way, that would be amazing!
- my computer to live. it has been alive for almost a whole year, which is strange for me and any electronic device. maybe my phone could survive all year too!!!
- my love life to stay completely intact. right now, it's perfect, so here's hoping it just gets better! =)

ok....i really can't think of much i want or need that i can't make happen on my own. like, losing 5 pounds or something. haha. so, nevermind on this whole non-tangible list thing. i just want 24 to be fun and stressfree. 21 was a good year. i hope it's like that! 23 has been a little too back and forth for my taste.

but, a cake would be nice too! ;)