it is what it is

"i can be changed by what happens to me. i refuse to be reduced by it." -maya angelou

i have been woozy with allergies for a week and weak with emotions. last night after a parking lot tennis match with the roommate and a nice walk in the fall breeze, i realized i have a lot of toughening up to do. i will be 24 in a little over 2 months. i know i shouldn't have everything figured out and i never really will, but i can at least be true to myself and my heart. i can protect it and stand up for it and not apologize for feeling too much. i can leave well enough alone when i know it's better to do that.

i have let the ex go. he has found someone new to date and i just need to accept that and move on. as much as i want to hate him for the lies and the leading on and the confusion, i can't be reduced by what he has done to me the last 2 years and 10 months. the love is over. i need to leave it alone. on friday he tried to talk to me and meet up with me, but i told him it's done. if it's meant to be it isn't meant to be right now. forging some fake friendship won't make it any better.

as for mr. facebook, i need to realize that he's just not into me. it was great. he was great. i really liked him. but, for whatever reason, that just didn't work out. i was pissed that i didn't know why, but i need to just not care.

as depressing as this all sounds, it's not and i refuse to be any longer. last thursday, a friend told me i seemed different, less joyful, than usual. it was true. i was handed a lot to handle for a week or two there. it changed by mood...it reduced it. but, not anymore. i will be happy with whatever life throws me this week because it is what it is.